Sunday, December 01, 2013
What a strange world we live in. You never know where the road is going to take you. At least I don't. I never have. It's definitely a strange road. Always. Even on the straight ways. I just told a friend this week, I have NEVER had more than one foot on the balance beam. Never. Don't get me wrong, I've tried to control it. All of it. A lot. But the "failures" have always derailed the delusion of control. But the "failures" have most likely saved my life and preserved me time in and time out. In spite of me. In spite of my desire to control the shape of the road. I'm still learning. Forever learning. But I have figured out a couple of things. Only hold on tightly to the things in life that are critical. God, family, and friends are just about the only thing to keep in your pack. Of course you have to carry yourself too so your footing is really important but that footing is really determined by what's in the pack. It's weird. The rest of it is temporary. Education, your job, a house, a political leader or movement, even religious "movements" fall into ash. At least at some time. But they fall eventually and may drag you with them if you are identifying yourself by them. Consequently I've kind of tried to hold these things loose in a free hand so that I can drop them if they start to throw me off the side of the mountain. It doesn't mean I don't hold onto them if they are good things but I also acknowledge they don't fit on my back. There isn't room and they will crush the things that are important if you pack them wrong. Hold them too tightly in hand and they will pull you off course and cause you to lose everything you are carrying along with you.
I am thinking about what it means to belong. An odd thing to think about as I do not believe I have a frame of reference for the thought. I have been placed into a lot of classifications, phylums, sub-phylums, and mutations I suppose. But belong? Belong to what? To who? Its not a pity party. Its a contemplation. A puzzle. One that drifts in and out of my awareness based on the quantity and length of distractions of the day. It is not a question of whether there is kindness and light from others. There is that and I am very thankful for it. But that does not equal "belong". I am an ally to life. To a lot of people. I will help where help is needed and received. This is good. But that doesn't equal "belong" either. I am not sure if it is possible to "belong" for me. Again, not a pity party. Just an introspection by an introvert. Except maybe belonging to God. Pretty sure that's real.